How to Overcome Power Struggles with Your Child

 

Doing what's best for your child when it comes to parenting sometimes leads to a power struggle between the two of you. If you get kids out of something once by arguing and throwing a tantrum, they're probably going to do it again and again. Don't let that happen. In order to prevent power struggles with your children, here are a few tips.

 

Offer Choice to Them

When they feel overpowered or helpless, kids sometimes act out. It is possible that actually asking your children to do something they do not want to do would encourage resistance. So, when it comes to getting stuff done, give them options. For instance, if you're questioning your child about completing homework after school, give two or three different times to actually get the homework done.

This does not mean, of course, that you are giving all the control in the situation to them. Make it clear to them that they won't be able to make the option again in the future if they don't hold up their end of the bargain.

 

Avoid Argument

You give them the idea that they have the power to question what you say every time you get into an argument with your kids. This can lead them to believe that they get what they want by acting defiant, which in turn leads them to misbehave more.

Don't give in if your child attempts to drag you into an argument about something. Tell them instead that the discussion is over and leave the room. As you're no longer there to argue, walking away takes away all of their power to challenge you.

 

Keep children involved

They would also feel better about implementing these rules in the future if the children are involved in the process of setting up rules and routines. Instead of only making these decisions on your own, speak to them and ask for their feedback. It allows them to feel less overpowered and less likely to act out by getting them involved in decision-making. Not only that, their suggestions will also give you insight when it comes to designing new laws.

If your children ever fight over who gets to sit in the front seat, for example, this possibly causes a power struggle between them. They'll want you to choose sides at this stage.  If you work out a plan together, however, to decide when each one gets to sit up front, they'll likely be more content waiting for their turn.

 

Work with Them

If you work with your children on a task, they can see it more as something that needs to be done and not simply something you have unilaterally chosen to make them do. Your child will see it as a challenge to tell them to do something, but if they know their support is really needed, they will be happy to lend a hand.

Set a little time aside to assist with the task if you ask your children to do housework or clean their room. This would make the experience more enjoyable for them and less bothersome. Note, though, that you're there to help - not to work for them. Don't encourage them to make use of you as an excuse to do less than their fair share.

To avoid them completely is the best way to "win" these power struggles with your children. They can see following the rules as supporting you, not losing a fight to you, by making your kids feel more engaged and letting them know that their effort is valued.